I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize