how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
