Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
