meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
