How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize