i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
