She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
