Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
