All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
