Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
NoShamevember. You game?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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