It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize