I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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