just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
