i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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