how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
sarcasm needs its own font
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
