I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
