a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
