Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
