im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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