Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
