On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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