i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
