OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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