On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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