"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
