And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize