sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
