I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
