I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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