she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We need to rekindle our bromance
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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