PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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