There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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