3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
