I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
