There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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