So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
