everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
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