Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
