She is in my trunk
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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