I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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