Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
