Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
