you traded sex for a burrito?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
