cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
