The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
