Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This is the high leading the old right now
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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