My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
