oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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