eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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