it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
