Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
