Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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