Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
