HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You dont lie about slip and slides
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
