Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
