I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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