that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
