Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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