you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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