I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
