Midget sex pt 2 tonight
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
