I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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