Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
