Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize