Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I don't think brook has ever known best
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
