I faked an abortion last night.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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